You Wanna Be A Rockstar?

Today I read a friend's blog. This particular blog generally makes me laugh or question what my view is on a particular matter. Today's reading made me question and comment. This I rarely do. I have known Shaun for many years. We attended the same church when Mark and I lived in Tennessee. He is in the same industry that my husband is in- yet, now to a different degree. With that being said he was very real and honest in his feelings about the Christian Music Industry, or the music industry in general. I gave my heartfelt comments in a totally different view and this seemed to excite Shaun. He has encouraged me to do this post.

Let it be said in both cases it is not a who's right or wrong. It is a this is how it is for you, this is how it is for me. Shaun also raised some very real questions that he encouraged me to answer. So, here goes.
Shaun:

Stephanie is a friend - a friend I don’t see much, but a friend. And I totally agree that there are folks like her and Mark (he’s in Third Day) who “succeed” and remain healthy in marriage and faith. But it’s hard. I think you’d agree, Stephanie, as someone who’s made the effort and fought the good fight, that’s very very hard to do at times. And, as part of a band, I think you’d agree, your husband and you give up some (a lot?) of control over your lives to the other members of the band, the product cycle, the demands of marketers and radio stations and label types and contracts and managers. And, if those folks who have a say in how your life will be lived, don’t see things as you do, don’t share your priorities, your life can become difficult/impossible. Agree with all that, Stephanie? It’s hard.

Stephanie: Never ever in a million year's have I said that my life or what Mark does is NOT hard. I think anyone who has a "normal" job (IE: working for the man) has it hard. They give up of themselves a little everyday to make a living and support their families. Yet, I have been fortunate enough to have a spouse who "LOVES" his job. To quote my daughter- it's like he's always on vacation. See that is how we feel about his job. Please don't take that the wrong way. This is a job. He has tons of emails a day with decisions to make. As a shareholder in any company would have. But in general he leaves the house and gets to enjoy his job, minister to others and spend time with his best friends. Therefore I would have to disagree with Shaun in that NONE of the other members of our band control our lives. You see from the beginning of the band, back when the earth was cooling, the boys established that if anyone had a major issue about something they wouldn't do it. This has allowed that they decide collectively what will and will not be done. As for the other powers that be- they will strongly advise that things be done, but I assure you, if it were to conflict with our family, or any others, that it would not be done. NO MATTER THE BENEFITS. We make sure that all parties that we work with have our same priorities or at least know that we will not veer from them. A good example would be Nashville. In the beginning we were "told" to make it we had to be in Nashville, well- as you all know, Third Day is and will always be an Atlanta based band. They stood firm, dug their heels in and did whatever they had to to make it work- from home. Mark and I lived in Nashville for 5 years b/c we wanted to not b/c we had to. Mark is a songwriter and was spending tons of time up there. At the time it made sense to be there, when we had a daughter, we moved home b/c it didn't make sense anymore- being close to our families was more important.

Shaun:

Let’s imagine we’re in Third Day. Incredibly successful band. Great guys. Much respect here. Imagine you’re in the band. Your life is shared with and partially governed by a business called Third Day, and one called Creative Trust, and one called Provident Music Group and the wives of the other guys in the band and on and on. Your dates are planed out months in advance and secured with contracts. You can’t just take a vacation when you need one. You have to have permission in some form. That’s just normal work/community stuff right? You can’t just leave the tour and come home because you’re needed or just wanted or because your kids miss you. You can’t sit together in church most Sundays. You can’t always make the Christmas party or the garage sale or… It’s hard. And Stephanie and Mark and others have dealt with the difficulty well. Very well from what I see on the outside. But not everyone does or can though. I can’t do that. I’m not made for that. Most artists I’ve known have dropped out within two years of signing (I just counted 13) - because it’s hard - harder in a band - harder when no one warns you upfront about what this life is like. Labels don’t. Managers don’t. I am. Prepare yourself, I’m saying, get ready for it, eyes open, be alert, talk to your wife about all this now, set boundaries now, find wise counsel now, weigh the costs now, then do what you’re called to do in the healthiest way you can.

Stephanie: Thank you for the kind comments. First, for 10 years Third Day was managed by Creative Trust, needing a change- as some folks do we are now managed by Red Light Management. Ok, having cleared that up, yes I can look into next year and tell you where Mark will be on any given day. I can also look into next year and tell you when I will be able to take off to the beach with my family on any given week. You see, Third Day has a system. Foolproof- NO, but very, very workable- YES. We know what days we have and don't have to be an entire family unit. Again, is it hard, YES. For a few days out of the week I am a single mom. On the other hand for a few days out of the week I have my husband at home ALL DAY. I think any person with a job experiences the stress of balancing work and family. I feel we have it a little easier. If we need off, as long as we give enough notice (as anyone would have to do) we get it. No boss to answer to. A "normal" employee can't just take off work to be with their child who just needs a hug. Work is hard, but necessary. What about the traveling salespeople, bus drivers, truck drivers, ball players or more importantly the service men that are gone for 15 months at a time. It is not easy for ANYONE. If we want to exist in society we have to make money, thereby we have to make sacrifices. It has been hard, there have been squabbles, there have been tears, there have been gatherings attended alone but what I like to remember the most is there has been much laughter, joy and life experiences beyond my wildest dreams. I am not preaching that this is a fairy tale, but at times it sure feels great. A husband/daddy that gets to spend the entire day with his child for the majority of the week. Who could ask for more. I think the whole key here is balance, determination, drive, willingness, calling and mostly BOUNDARIES. If you don't set parameters in the beginning you quite easily can be pushed and pulled in too many directions.

In conclusion let me say. We love our life. I think everyday how fortunate I am to be married to a man who loves me, loves my family but most importantly love the Lord and desires to spread that love via his music. Comparatively, I think Shaun has the same goals for his life- just different styles of management. That is not bad, or good. It is what it is. I just want to stress that it's not all about being consumed by the business side of life. Regardless of who or what you do. I agree, make sure this life is for you. If you don't think you can handle it DON'T. but don't let the fear of what the "powers that be" will make you do scare you away either. You can have your cake and eat it too! I PROMISE.

To quote Mark's dad- "if you don't love what you do, there is no reason to do it!!"